...so i touched it.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
There r osticjed everywhere
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
