If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
