What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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