there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
