you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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