I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
