YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My vagina is officially offended.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
