he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
