I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
