She said her name was "party"
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The beer is more important than you right now.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
