Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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