I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
