Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
