I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
