He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
