well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Your cock deserves a montage
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
