drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
