Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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