East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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