chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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