we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize