My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
