She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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