Where are you?
In a non slutty way
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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