Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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