Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
