marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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