I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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