Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize