you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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