the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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