we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
