I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
