fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
