We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
