Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
