adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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