i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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