So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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