Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
