Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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