actually, I'm a sock model
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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