He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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