would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
