good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
