Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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