How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
