He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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