yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
