I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
