I faked an abortion last night.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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