I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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