Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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