I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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