OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
