A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
