Your dad touched me again.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
