i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
