Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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