I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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