Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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