I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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