hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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