Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
