I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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