and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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