Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Every concussion has its silver lining
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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