Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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