Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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