we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
