im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
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I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
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This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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