my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
