Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
