Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
