you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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