Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
