So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
