After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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