A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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