I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
