I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
