no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
