allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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